


If At First You Don't Succeed

by Fuguestate



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Kinkmeme prompt fill, Parody, Watchmen - Freeform, Watchmen Kinkmeme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-02
Updated: 2011-04-02
Packaged: 2017-10-18 20:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/192888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuguestate/pseuds/Fuguestate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adrian is a confident - and stubborn - man.</p><p>Warning: Severe crack ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If At First You Don't Succeed

There is a quiet knock at the gleaming door to Adrian Veidt's office. "Mr. Veidt? I have the test results you requested, and the latest report on—"

The assistant looked up from the file he'd been glancing at, finally seeing the carnage before him on the otherwise immaculate carpet. The neat stack of papers that had lain on the large central desk was now scattered about the room, some spattered or soaked in red. Furniture made from rare hardwoods and plush fabrics was reduced to so much kindling amid shards of ancient pottery, all surrounding what was left of Adrian Veidt's body. Nearby, gnawing on an errant rib-bone and growling softly, was Bubastis.

"Oh, dammit, not _again_."

Irritably, the assistant moved back to the door and dialed a code into the intercom. "Sommers? It's Johnson. Get the tank ready again."

"Shit, really? Which one was it this time?"

"Veidt." He shook his head and sighed. We're going to need another office remodel as well."

In less than two minutes a small team in generic gray coveralls began quietly leading Bubastis away and carefully gathering the remains into biological waste containers.

The foreman tsked. "That's two for Bubs so far this year." He watched as a once-elegant chair was hauled to a side door. "He's gonna look like the shallowest s.o.b. on the planet if this keeps up."

"Yes, well," the assistant slapped the file against his leg in an irritable tattoo, "until he wants to figure out another way to be the smartest man in the world, we'll just have to keep working on our PR angles, won't we?"

"Heh. Remember when he decided he wanted to catch bullets?"

"Oh lord, _don't_ remind me."

The foreman glanced warily as Bubastis' tail disappeared through another door. "We gonna have to liquidate her too?"

"No, no. Mr. Veidt has decided it increases the challenge." He shrugged. "During her last replacement, he saw to it that she won't go after anyone but him anyway."

"What, he made her that way?"

"After the incident with Saunders, he decided steps should be taken."

"Damn." The foreman shook his head in disbelief. "That's gonna completely blow the betting pool now. I stood to win big if she got re-cloned again this month."

"Well, we all have to make our sacrifices, don't we?" The assistant gave the ruined office one last exasperated look and went back to the intercom. "Sommers?"

"Yeah boss?"

"This can't continue. We need to arrange a more remote facility for Mr. Veidt's more... _complex_ research projects. Start looking for promising locations and get back to me by the end of the day."

"Anywhere in particular?"

"How 'bout Antarctica?" The foreman chuckled on his way out, not seeing the assistant's eyebrow raise thoughtfully behind him.

\- th'end (I'm so sorry...)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the following prompt at the Watchmen Kinkmeme (v.5.0):
> 
>  _  
> "Adrian gets mauled/killed/eaten by Bubastis. Not as any kind of retribution, not as any kind of cosmic justice - if anything, maybe for the hubris of keeping her around, but that's it. She can be playing or attacking, but the long and the short is that the smartest man in the world ends up with his intestines on the floor._
> 
>  _Because even a genetically engineered wild animal is still a wild animal."_


End file.
